Let the Consequence Follow

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I've spent the last week talking to a lot of non-Mormons about Mormonism and about why I stay in the church, despite the problems I see in it. One of the things I think about a lot is that from a very young age, I was taught at church that God would speak to my heart and tell me what was right, that this was the light of Christ, and everyone on the planet had this gift, even those who weren't Mormons. But I was taught that I should always listen to that voice and do what I knew was right, no matter what the consequences were. This was consistent from Primary to Young Women's, though I admit I've heard it less often in Relief Society.

In Primary classes, teachers walked us through situations where we pretended other kids were trying to "tempt" us to use alcohol or tobacco or to not to go church or to say bad things to other people, and we practiced doing what was right, even if the other kids laughed at us or said they wouldn't play with us.

Now I'm an adult and I pray every night and feel close to the divine and feel like I'm getting more answers than ever about what the right is and how I should defend it. Unfortunately for the church, this has meant that I've spoken out about the things I see that the church is doing wrong. (I also talk about the things I think the church is doing right, BTW, like the way Utah is dealing with homelessness, the church on immigration and the new service initiatives, even if people notice this less).

When I get pushback and told that I'm not a "real Mormon" anymore because I speak against the church leaders, I sometimes find myself almost amused. Like, what did people think would happen when they taught children to be fierce in defending what they felt in their hearts would be true? They talk about creating the Army of Helaman, but aren't I part of that army, even if it turns out the generals can't use me the way they might want to?

The church taught me how to speak to God. They taught me I had a right to personal revelation. They taught me never ever to give in to pressure. They taught me that angels were taking notes about what I did and thought every day and that I would be accountable to God for all of that. So, guess what? Here I am, as Mormon as I've ever been, the Mormon warrior the church turned me into, and I'm not going back into any bottle.

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