It Wasn't a Gift
I went to a retreat this week about “Faith Crisis” and after listening to myself talk, hearing the anger and resistance to being told this was a “gift” and being asked to list some of the good things that have come out of it, I finally figured out what was going on and why I’m probably NEVER going to say I’m glad this happened to me. My faith crisis happened as a result of my daughter’s death. I can’t separate the two timelines. I wish I could. I really wish I knew if I’d have gone through a faith crisis at about the same time anyway. But as far as I can tell, it happened because of my grief and guilt over losing my daughter. So many friends and family who are Mormon church members told me this narrative that God had caused this to happen because there was an important “lesson” for me to learn about my daughter’s death. It was supposed to bring our family closer together. It was supposed to make us more righteous and lead us to the celestial kingdom, where we would see her agai